Sister Hansen Saved My Life

Me with President and Sister Hansen, the day I arrived in the mission field

This was a tragic week in the Utah Salt Lake City Mission and in the life of Sister Shields. People keep saying how hard it must be to lose the wife of our mission president. She wasn't just the wife of my mission president to me. At the funeral all these people were asking if I knew Sister Hansen very well. Did I know her very well? I'm trying not to be dramatic, but that's like an understatement haha. Not many missionaries knew Sister Hansen like me and Sister Hornberger did. I know how particular she is about where her kitchen knives go, and how she hates when sisters have long hair that covers their name tags, and who her favorite painters are, and that she doesn't like cheese on her salads, and her biggest pet peeve is slang language and hair elastics on wrists. I know how she likes her hair cut and styled. I had the privilege of spending lots of time with her. So yes - I did know her well. And she saved my life.

For those missionaries who didn't know her well- they thought she was strict and straight-laced and knit-picky and stern. Elder Tapia - our AP who talked at her memorial even said - (and I quote) "David might not have been afraid of Goliath .. But I bet he'd be afraid of Sister Hansen!" And she was kind of scary ... but that personality is what helped me and I know I needed that. When I came to her with a really serious personal problem a year ago, I will never forget what she said to me. She said: "Well... I can send you to a therapist and they'll send you home, or you can cut it out and get over it right now." At the time, that wasn't so comforting, haha - but it worked! I cut it out. And she called me twice a week to check in on me. Had she been all soft and cushy with me, I'd never had gotten over it and probably would have spent the rest of my mission miserable. She worried about me; she told me that afterwards. But I didn't know that at the time because honestly she just scared me. Most of the missionaries were scared of her and said a lot of not-nice things about her ... I heard a lot, especially when I was an STL and went on exchanges.  And that made me mad like nothing else.  That's when I would tell them, “Don't you dare say that about her; Sister Hansen saved my life.” And she knew they would say these things about her. At every single meeting President Hansen was at, he would tell all the missionaries at least once, "and I love Sister Hansen." When I got closer with Sis Hansen, she opened up and told me how hard it was for her to be in this calling and how the things people said and they way she was treated really hurt. This mission was a sacrifice for her too!

Rewind to Wednesday at 2 pm. Me and my comp Sister Costa had interviews with President. This was originally scheduled for Thursday, but President rescheduled for some reason. We went and I had a great interview. I was determined to not talk about going home at all, but he brought it up and and told me I needed to work in the temple when I got home so I could understand more the blessings of eternal families. After my interview, I asked if he was done for the day and he said he wouldn't be until late that night. Then Sister Hansen passed away that evening. It was just so weird because I had been with him a few hours earlier and all was well.

The funeral and memorial was hard. I bawled. It's been like the hardest week of my mission. I just feel like no one saw the side of her that I saw. Me and Sister Hornberger spent an evening in PJ's with her, painting toenails! She was a fun, crazy grandma who embroidered quotes on fancy sewing machines while singing, and thinks the cure for every medical problem was either to go to work, drink Gatorade, or blame it on PMS. Except if you're having back problems from a stiff bed - then you put a sheet of plywood under your mattress. She's kind of OCD about decorating Christmas trees and not changing the lyrics to hymns. She loved Isaiah and ordered an olive tree online because she loved Jacob 5 so much. And President Hansen loved her. Almost as much as he loves missionary work. And I think knowing that has been the hardest thing. Who knows what's going to happen now?! The mission's in complete limbo and they haven't given us any information at all. Everything's changing and I hate it. AND... Saturday we had a huge mission-wide conference call. Everyone thought it would be about this... Nope. We're getting iPads. iPads? We lost Sister Hansen and we’re losing our mission president and immature elders are joking and laughing on the phone call where they announce we're getting iPads? Couldn't we have waited like a week or 2 to announce that? Oh well. I only had a slight meltdown.

But you know what I learned this week?  I was so worried (as was everyone else) about how President Hansen would hold up. She was his life! Next to missionary work. And just like that, he lost both. But he is fine and happy and content. Someone asked if he was ok and he said, "of course I'm ok - I'm married to Carol Hansen for eternity!" He really taught me the impact a strong testimony has on life's trials. The spirit at the memorial and the funeral was really strong... maybe because some of the quorum of the 12 and a bunch of the 70 were there ... or maybe because the Plan of Salvation through Jesus Christ is real. It is! And how important that we not only make vows to our spouse at marriage, because humans don't have control of the after life, but that we make vows to each other and to God that bind us to Him first, then to each other. Here's a question I've been pondering - How does God see death? Just a part of the plan and us returning back to Him. It's been a terrible week - I'm not gonna lie. And I was upset and hate all this change and honestly want to go home 6 weeks early... but oh well. I will always remember the last convo I had with Sister Hansen when she asked if she could be my 3rd grandma. And that's awesome. And also awesome - the funeral today was like a legit mission reunion. I got to see all my past zone leaders and AP's and companions who have gone home! Sister Hornberger like broke me down hardcore.

In other news ... I start my last transfer tomorrow. I am staying in the area with Sis Costa. We have 3 eternal investigators, Nick, Chris and Jessica. Life is good in Fruit Heights. See you all soon!

PS Kacie Raley is getting married in Bountiful in April. BOUNTIFUL. I love Bountiful.

The end.

Look how gross this is - it's a 5 pound donut!

Teaching some cute YW at mutual

Nobody's perfect

At Temple Square with the Williams family

Family & friends -

So we went to temple square this week with the Williams family - as you can see from the picture. We watched the "God's Plan for the Family" presentation ... for those of you who haven't seen it - you NEED to. It's so good. Especially when Amanda May (friend from home, just returned from her mission at temple square) does your tour.  It's based on the family proclamation to the world and it's just fantastic ... Lindsay (wife) started coming back to church when Boston (son) got baptized a few months ago. She bawled through the whole presentation and I felt bad, but it was awesome. The spirit was so strong and it killed me because I know how she must have felt ... like she wants to be sealed to her family so badly but she can't force Nick to do anything. Afterwards, we asked Nick what he thought of it and he said "I think I'll get baptized in June." Me: "Okay ... why June?"  Nick: "Well, so next June we can take a cruise to Hawaii and get sealed in that temple." Uh.... haha, okay, I guess we'll take it? After talking to him a little more I think we figured him out. He feels like the church (especially in UT) is perfect and everyone has perfect families and perfect lives ... He has had some addiction problems and is a little rough around the edges and he probably doesn't feel like he fits in ... nor does he want to!

We ran into this similar problem with someone else I love in this area... Natalie Delight. She was raised in the church. She got pregnant at 17 with TWINS. Then she married their dad and it was a terrible marriage and didn't last. A few years later, she got married in the temple to a guy, had 2 more kids. Then long story short, he was terrible to her and left her for his secretary or something. So now she's divorced. She is SO gorgeous ... like perfect in every way. She has a great successful job and wears classy clothes (not like that matters) but the past few years she's been totally inactive and kind of partying. When I got to this area, the sisters had just reactivated her and baptized her 2 youngest kids. I thought she was solid because she's technically been coming to church every week. We get along real well so I was talking to her yesterday ... she said she only comes to church when she has her kids and then leaves after sacrament meeting and picks them up after Primary. She really wants to do what's right but doesn't have a testimony at all. She doesn't feel like she fits in or like she can relate to anyone. It breaks my heart. Her oldest son is on a mission right now (don't ask me how; I don't know) and he wants her so badly to get it together. But it's true, the ward is kind of singling her out without trying to. I love her so much and she's such a good example. I feel like she's my best friend... haha, but what I learned - the gospel is for EVERYONE and church is not for perfect people. If it was- no one would be at church!  That's what I learned this week. Now to help the people we teach see that!

Sister Shields

I got to go back to SLC for Christian's baptism!

Pioneer YSA reunion! AP's (Elders Tapia and Steed), Christian, Sister Tranchina, Me, Sister West (replaced me). It's too bad my leg warmers fell down and you can't see them because they are so cute... they're lacy at the top!

55 Days

No, I'm not counting down.... well, sort of. But not because I want it to be done. I just feel ready for a new challenge other than desperately trying to find people to teach and how to get these life-long investigators to progress.... No, I'm not trunky - but I will be very ready to continue being a missionary in the comfort of my own bed with my giant 4 foot long stuffed dog and my Nixon watch and the luxury of being able to go to sleep at 9 pm. But I'm not trunky. That's just planning ahead for the future. That's important, right? Didn't an apostle say, "look ahead and believe?"  Well I'm looking ahead and believing I will be very happy.

Don't get the wrong impression ... I am still working dang hard. So hard that I don't even know how I'm doing it because I'm so out of ideas and so exhausted... But I have this different attitude than I did when I was in Bountiful, which was really similar to here. Now instead of being desperate and trying to think of ideas to find new people and fill time, I'm thinking, "okay, I don't know what to do. Let's pray and do whatever I can think of after that. And it probably won't work... but the Lord will see that I'm trying and making an effort to work and somehow he'll provide a way for things to keep going." I don't know if that's faith and relying on the Lord or me being lazy and not wanting to get emotionally drained .... oh well, haha.

All is well here in Fruit Heights/Kaysville. Sister Costa is so cute. Her English is still not the best and she's self conscious about it but she's so precious ... I feel bad sometimes because members don't understand her.  But she has more faith than I've ever seen. She's so cute- when we plan lessons she goes, "we can share our testimony with them." I can't describe the way she says it - it's just so cute and sweet and pure ... I want her to know how grateful I am for her and her hard work and being so in tune with the spirit. I think sometimes she feels that I am superior to her because I've been out longer and understand American slang and sarcasm really well ... but lets be real here. She's 26 - she has a masters in biology and taught college and high school and knows the scriptures 50 times better than I do. She's definitely well qualified- more than me! I am trying to find a way for her to realize that. And for me to show her that.

We lost 2 investigators this week for various reasons. So now we are teaching a crap ton of recent converts (wonder if those phrases have ever been used in the same sentence before), a few less-actives and 3 investigators. Nick - he's stubborn and goes to sacrament meeting every week; his wife and son are members. Jessica- CUTE and young- living with her member boyfriend and his active parents. They have a cute baby together and really want to be sealed as a family. They got to church sometimes and read and pray every night. but she needs to realize that for them to be sealed, she needs the lessons (we can never schedule with her), and... she needs to marry her boyfriend. They are so cute though.... they WILL get married and he will baptize her before I leave. Okay, maybe not.... but I'll come back for it! And the 3rd is a guy named Chris - his family is all active. He goes to church every single week, but he just won't get baptized. He believes in science and wants proof for everything. If you can tell... it's kind of frustrating coming from YSA where we had a baptism every other week and were always finding new people to teach who are completely prepared... But good things will happen with these people!

One cool thing this week .... we are teaching this less-active couple - Beth and Lance. They have been taught by missionaries for 8 months, 2 times a week. Beth comes to church sometimes, Lance never does. When I got to the area Sister Costa said they just read the Book of Mormon with them every lesson. We did that a couple times then I got impatient and decided we needed to try something else, so we taught them about the importance of the sacrament. We really broke it down and asked a bunch of thinking questions to them, like, "why is it important that we take the sacrament every week? What do get receive in return for taking the sacrament worthily and how could that help you?" Then we committed them to read a conference talk about the sacrament. The next lesson, they had actually read it! And had good comments about it. They were really different than from before and it was an awesome lesson. Then they committed to come to church! Yay!

That was my week ... basically. And on Monday I got to ombre/melt one of the sister's hair and it was BEAUTIFUL. I was hyperventilating, basically.

Have a good week!
Sister Shields

A Frozen New Year

Allen's baptism

So I heard it snowed in Mesa ... that's really too bad - I thought AZ would be the only place I could get away from that, haha. This week we had a huge wind storm and it blew snow all over the place. We went to open our door a few days ago and it was literally 4 feet high around our door! I should have taken a picture ... those days are hard for me and Sister Costa because we hate snow, haha and I hate driving in it ... it's so hard to be motivated to move when it's so cold and wet.... I officially broke the record for the ugliest outfits this week.  No exaggeration. But I was warm so I honestly don't even care.

This week:

- For new years, we got together as a missionary district and watched Frozen and Emperor's New Groove. It was fun. But weird ... like, sitting in the dark wrapped in blankets, next to elders? It felt like a sin, haha! And it was the weirdest/scariest thing ... as we were watching Frozen and it would get all intense, I found myself in missionary mode and thinking, "why haven't they prayed yet?!" Or when she had to pick between the prince and the boy- literally this was my thought process: "Well, I wonder which one has a stronger testimony and which one would take her to the temple ... oh shoot, Heidi are you kidding me? Cut it out!" Hahah it was seriously ridiculous - it happened the whole movie and I couldn't even enjoy it because I was comparing everything to missionary work and the gospel.

-Got to go on exchanges with my STL's, one of whom happens to be Sister Loy. She was trained by Sister Hornberger right after me so that makes us like mission "sisters." It was so fun to have STL's again ( I haven't had an STL since Sister Hornberger 8 months ago) and to be able to go to her for advice instead of ME trying to give advice and worry about doing everything right and setting a good example ... it was nice. This area's been kind of hard for me - I don't know how to be effective here. It's like a ritzy farmland and just like Bountiful; there's maybe 4 nonmembers and 7 less-active houses in each ward. Now, we do cover 18 wards ... but still. I'm trying to find the best way to work here.

-Baptism for Allen H. Quick on him ... he and his wife and 2 teenager kids have lived in the neighborhood for awhile and never had any interest in the church at all. A few years ago he got in a bad motorcycling accident and is now disabled. His family really struggled for a while and it made them a little more receptive to the gospel. His wife was baptized a few months ago but he was SO not interested. He didn't want anything to do with the missionaries. Slowly, he got a little better and got to the point where he would sit in on her lessons. Then one day (about a month ago) he said he wanted to be baptized! And he hadn't even been officially receiving the lessons, haha - so they put him on date and then I got here. So I've gotten to help him with actually getting baptized.... teaching all the lessons, helping him actually gain a testimony and not just the desire to have a fresh start and be baptized. He's still really intimidating to me.... maybe I've just had too many bad experiences with scary men like him who answer their doors and tell me to go away.... but he really does have a strong testimony. It was a great baptism and his wife was so happy. His 2 teenage kids are our next goal! :)

-The sister here before me with Sister Costa put boxes in all the church building with slips of paper to fill out and write who they've invited this week. We have spent a lot of time going through and calling to follow up with those. It was such a good idea for this area! Especially with the "He is the Gift" video. It's so cute to call and talk to little 7-year-olds who wrote down that they invited their friend from school to go to church ... seriously it's my favorite thing. Just goes to show, we all really need to be like little children and share what means the most to us. Trying to read their handwriting, on the other hand ....

Have a good week!
Sister Shields

Christmas in Davis County

Kaysville Zone Sister's breakfast

Davis County Christmas Probs:

-Dribbled Lindor Chocolate filling on my new scarf
-Not enough time in the day to go to all these Christmas invitations!
-Asking members we live with to use their spare storage closet to store all of the misc Christmas gifts and stuffed animals
-SOCKS galore!
-How on earth will I bring all these non-mission-appropriate shoes home with me? Call in the U-haul guys
-Cookie crumbs in my scriptures

Christmas Eve we met with lots of members and delivered candy to a big list of people:
Me: Well, this is kinda fun!
Sister Costa:  Well, this is kinda COLD, sister!
HAHAHA

So grateful for this Christmas and the kindess of all the members and people we are teaching who invited us over. I was worried we wouldn't have enough to do, but like always, the Lord provides a way! Last Christmas I was an emotional wreck... and this year I was just so happy. Yay for emotional control and maturity!

REVELATION: God allows His sister missionaries to gain weight so boys aren't attracted to them. It's a blessing in disguise.

REALIZATION: the many roles of sister missionaries:
-Teacher
-Nagging mother
-Scheduler and day planner
-English tutor
-Relationship counselor
-Match maker
-Psychologist/shrink
-Drama control
-Parole officer/substance confiscator
-Event planner
-Housing coordinator
-Friendship assigner
-Ride coordinator
-Landscape specialist and gardener
-Expert family home evening planner
-Financial aid
-Detective, personal investigator
-Stalker
-Backup Sacrament meeting speaker/Primary teacher
-Professional thank-you-card maker
-Baptism font filler
-Building scheduler
-Hard-wood floor refinisher
-Dish washer
-Cook
-Maid
-Professional chocolate chip cookie baker

Yes, I've really done all of these things at one point or another.

Also realized... If only these people that we teach and help come into the gospel realized all the work that other people put into them and how much people love them. Do they know how many hours we spend on the phone asking members in the ward to sit by them, and introduce themselves to them, and give them rides to things? Do they know how much groundwork we put into them before we knock on their door? Do they know we spent all morning preparing this lesson for them? No! Haha, they have no idea! They think this all just happens overnight. It's way more than that, though! No joke. I feel blessed to have been on my mission this long and to have learned how to recognize the Spirit so I know what to say to people and when to testify, or just be friendly or just say hi, or when to be persistent ... that's a hard thing to learn!

The gospel is such a blessing and I wish everyone was ready to receive it but I've also learned it doesn't mean anything unless they want it. Forcing someone and pushing someone doesn't mean anything, but helping someone feel the Spirit and letting them know how they can feel more makes a big difference!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

xoxo
Sister Shields

Christmas clothes and shoes from members - spoiled much?

Christmas hair and skin products

mErRy cHrIsTmAs- welcome back to Davis County where missionaries get fed like horses‏

Family & friends -

So I'm in Fruit Heights and Kaysville. I'm really sad to not be in YSA ... but you know what? This is good. Everything happens for a reason so here I am. 

My companion is so sweet. She has her MASTERS degree in genetics ..... needless to say I feel stupid when people ask her what she studies and then they ask me and I say, "I have my cosmetologist license ..." She's from Brazil and speaks poco English. (yes I know poco is Spanish not Portuguese and they speak Portuguese in Brazil ...) but she's so cute and sweet. We're working on her English - she really struggles with "th's." She will mutter under her breath "wiTH.... fourTH....wiTH... wiTH..." jajaj she's cute. Sorry I'll stop trying to be Hispanic now. I don't know what's up with my last 2 companions being foreign but I think it's actually hurting my ability to speak English ... 

It's been a little tricky to 2nd transfer train her when she's used to doing everything differently. The sister here before me- Sister Stanford- just went home. She was a really good sister and we got along really well. And everyone still thinks I'm her, which means we look similar, which is cool because she was cute ... anyways, she left a VERY detailed - CUTE planner for me ... but she still did some things pretty differently from me so we've had to adjust. It's been kinda tricky ... but I'm powering through it!

Davis county and Salt Lake are 100% different.  It's seriously like 2 different missions. I feel like I'm back in Bountiful where there's literally 7 nonmembers and 10 less-actives in each ward. I forgot how that is ... it's been kinda hard for me to switch my mind back. Okay we need a new investigator - we can't go street contacting, we can't just go knock on a nonmember's door ... instead it's like detective work.  Call the Relief Society president, find their friends, talk to their neighbors, spend an hour on the phone.  I honestly struggled the first few days because I feel like I'm not being a good missionary. We sit in the apartment a lot and just organize maps and make phone calls ... but I guess this is how missionary work is in Davis County and I need to accept that!  Weird though .... I do miss SLC YSA, but this is good too.  The good news is, the members are super nice here. we have 50 offers for Christmas! And we are going to try and not have 4 dinners like last year and Thanksgiving ... but when we have to fill all of Christmas Eve and day with member appointments ... that's hard because everyone wants to feed you. I'm bracing myself now ... I almost took a picture of our collection of baked goods and chocolate people have given us but I wanted to save you from puking. I need to throw more of it out.

I love being a missionary. I like training and being able to help my companion. I honestly just want to help her ... we've been doing a ton of role plays and brainstorming new ideas. It's like being an STL but just working with one sister ... full time, haha. I'm so grateful for all the skills and things I've learned so far on the mission because I really feel them being applied. I know how to be happy now even though I could and probably should be stressed. I just feel like I've learned so much and I don't want to lose it!  Some things I know I have already lost just from leaving Sister Tranchina, the saint - my planning, organizing, exact obedience ... but I decided I can't spring all that on my comp right away so we're starting small and working up.

Hope everyone has a good Christmas and really remembers what a gift the Savior is in our lives. I've been thinking a lot ... what would my life be like without the Savior? ask yourself that question!  I'd be a mess. One way to accept and apply that gift is to learn and study more about Him in the scriptures. I've been reading the New Testament and I love it ... Also- what's the difference between happiness and joy?  Everyone can be happy. People making mistakes in life can be happy. But joy actually lasts! And that can only come through the gospel. J-Jesus O-others Y-yourself. That's the order to really be happy!

Merry Christmas. thank you for your cards and packages and gifts.  Mom- loved the 12 days of Christmas. Dad- LOVED the watch ... sorry i opened it early. Seriously that made me so happy I almost cried because I felt like I didn't deserve it ... Robyn and Anna- thank you for your drawings - rob's picture of the resurrection made me tear up, hahah!

See you on Skype Thursday at 10:30!

xoxoxoox

Heidi

STL release and kicked out of YSA (AKA end of Sister Shields' life)

 

Liberty zone t-shirts!

Don't have time to write much...
Basically, I found out Sunday that I was being released as an STL. I started crying... I knew it was coming soon but I did NOT want to be released. I was really upset. Then I found out I was leaving YSA ... again, a mess. Then I realized, I was being prideful. I didn't want to be a "regular" missionary. I like authority. I like feeling like a favorite. I'm a terrible person! So I got humbled real quick and got over everyone saying, "you got released as an STL?! Why?!" I know the Lord knows best. I feel very blessed to have served in YSA. I LOVE YSA. I loved being with Sister Tranchina and learning so much from her. I am going to the Fruit Heights Stake in the Kaysville Zone with a sister from Brazil who's been out 6 weeks. I am finishing her training, which at first I was also upset about because I was thinking how it will be so hard because I want to train her the way I like things done ... again, pride. I'm over it. She's super sweet and I am ... excited. Right? Yes. So sad to leave YSA ... but at the same time, Christmas in YSA was going to be rough - everyone was going home, haha. I am sad not to be an STL ... I really love helping the sisters. I don't know what I'm going to do, just worrying about myself and my companion. This transfer was inspired ... If I stayed in YSA til I went home, I would get too comfortable and probably be tempted to pick future prospects and flirt. And that's no good. And if I stayed an STL til the end of my mission, I would go from serving and worrying about 10 sisters plus myself, plus an area and a companion, to worrying and caring only about myself when I go home. I've heard it's hard to go home and worry just about yourself as it is. So I think this will be a good transition.

Also this week ... we have this member I love to death named Emma (that's not her real name - I changed it for confidentiality). She got back from a mission a couple of months ago and she's so awesome. She's always wanting to feed us or come help teach with us, etc. She is so much like me - I love it. This week she called us and asked if we could come over and just teach her a lesson; that she was struggling this time. I didn't know what to teach her ... normally I would do something on self worth, but I felt like she needed the Restoration. We went and read a little bit of JSH. I asked her something like, how did teaching this to investigators help strengthen your own testimony? She basically answered and said she didn't believe Joseph Smith was a prophet and doesn't believe in the Book of Mormon anymore. Sister Tranchina and I were SHOCKED. Like, we didn't even know what to do or say.... then she went on and on about women and the priesthood and Joseph Smith's wives, etc. - it was a mess. She asked if we could come teach her the lessons and help her feel the spirit. We accepted. All week we worried about her. If Emma can fall into that after her mission... I definitely could too. That scared her. A couple days later she texted and said we don't have to come over anymore; she's doing soul searching on her own and is going to "take a break" from church. Seriously, I panicked. I worried about her every day this week! Last night after I found out I was getting transferred, she asked us to come over so she could say goodbye. She basically said her friend invited her to church, she went and all her concerns went away. She said she still has unanswered questions but they don't matter anymore because she remembered it's true. She admitted she'd been reading anti literature and drinking coffee, haha - no good! It was really stressful ... but a blessing that she was able to figure it out and tell me before I left and worried forever about her.

The end.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
-Heidi

Some less-active YSA's we're working with

More less active YSA's we're working with

sisters in the Liberty Zone

Riding our bikes in Rose Park - aren't we cute?

Zone activity